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Saturday, February 26, 2011

Stupefied

Yesterday no blog.  I was too grumpy.  I slept early and woke up in good spirits.  But now, an hour and a bit later, I feel grumpy again.  So blogging ...

Perhaps this is where the corporate real world blends in with SL.  I deal with personalities all the time.  In a position of some power, despite my relative newness with the organization I have to deal people showing insincerity all the time.  They prejudice you by your cover and personality.  They think you are young and should be overlooked, or new and clueless.  You look nice they think you are superficial.  Then they find out your position and they are completely different.  They suck up, they start including you in topics they should have been obliged to include you in the first place.

At first I thought it was cool.  I would let them think I was clueless and would surprise them when I could accomplish difficult tasks.  That has worn thin lately.  I believe in self-sufficiency.  If I completely rely on one person for something then I have failed.   People who know me, know that.  I have tried to diversify delegations.  I have tried to improve my personal skills.  I learn fast out of sense of necessity not by talent or intelligence.

SL lately has gotten to my nerves that I attribute to my real world stress being put into SL.  Insincerity is a magnified problem on a virtual world where the driving motivators are virtual sex, and virtual reputation, and virtual money.  A person asks for friendship and most of the time are motivated by one of the three motivators I mentioned.  Group chats are laced with insincerity motivated by one of the three motivators.  There is no genuine hello, people are selective in who they greet.  Rewards are driven by the three motivators and is no true artistic expression or sense of merit.  Case in point is a photo contest (outside of CWS) where the winning candidate wasn't dressed in theme and didn't put any effort into the photo itself.  Why?  because she spent the most money in buying votes for herself, and/or had friends vote for her.

The word family is used often but is lost.  I am pulled by several groups to be regarded as family.  I haven't felt the sincerity in that word yet.  With very few exceptions so far.  My friend Tiffany is one person I feel knows what family is.  I said I was grumpy and she offered to drop all her activities and join me to work through things and cheer me up.  Considering how she is the CEO of her own club and business, is planning a wedding, and is busy lining up activities and personnel that is a fantastic gesture.  And she was grumpy in her own right, she was going to fire everyone.  Lol.  I guess it's grumpy Tiff week.  I will be so proud to be her bridesmaid when she marries next week.

This blog is useful, it lets me push my feelings.  I suppose it's subject to public scrutiny but who cares.  I don't know who read its, and if you are reading it then you have an interest in how I feel anyways.

I will continue to be self-sufficient, seek personal improvement for personal improvements sake.  I am not stupid.  I can style myself, shape myself, make photos myself, script and manage a time/schedule that would send most people on stress leave (a trial of bodies in my company can attest to this).  Just be cool Tiff.

Later on a less ranty blog for sure.

I asked Ajay to play this yesterday at CWS. I gave two options but I knew this would be the one he would pick because it's the most familiar so I got my wish without making it obvious. Consider it my shout in the middle of a tide of pop songs.